Feral Chylde

I am consistently painfully aware of myself.

To the point that often I don’t want to go out in public. I don’t want people to look at me. I feel like I don’t deserve to leave the house. I don’t deserve to enjoy the outdoors. I’m not good enough to be around people. I feel ashamed of my face, my body, my clothes. I won’t go into certain stores or restaurants anymore because I don’t belong in there. I feel bad that my friends have to be seen with me in public.This is how most days are for me.
Then on rare occasion I feel like a rebel queen. Or a succubus. Haha.
Learning to love yourself is fuckin difficult.

Update

Ever look at a really good picture of yourself and then look in the mirror and say “No way that’s me. The person in this picture is way more attractive than me. “?
I do it all the time haha. They say that our self perception is so skewed we wouldn’t recognize ourselves through some one else’s eyes. I wonder if that’s true…
Anyways, I need a motorcycle and a new hookah, as mine was broken.

In other news, and most importantly, my mom had brain surgery last week. It went well and she is home and recovering. I cannot stress how anxious I was. She had to go to Pittsburgh for it. It’s not terribly far but it was hard to not be able to be with her during. Thank Gods for her coming home healthy ♥